Haven from the Storm (Storms of Life #1) Read online

  She draped her leg across my hips and suddenly I didn’t know if I could let this happen. Could I let her give a piece of herself to me when I didn’t know if I could stay and be who she deserved? I felt like I owed her the chance to see that the love we had between us wasn’t a fraction of what she truly deserved. I thought she needed to survive her father’s abuse and heal from that damage before she would stop looking to me for salvation I couldn’t offer. I wasn’t capable of saving her.

  I tried to pull away from her and roll onto my back, but she quickly pushed herself on top of me and straddled my hips. I could see her eyes in the sliver of light coming from the window. They weren’t the translucent blue color they should have been, instead they were dark and stormy. I placed my hands on her hips to lift her off me, but she grabbed my hands and led them to the pillow. I was about to tell her this was a mistake, but she captured my mouth with hers before I could speak.

  Her long hair cascaded over my face completely enveloping me and my resolve to be honorable started to fade. She began to slowly rock herself back and forth on me. I’d been here before, I’d done this before, but never had it felt this perfect. The sensation of her all over me made everything else fade away. My fears about our future began to disappear and I knew I was exactly where I belonged. That was all that mattered. We were the only thing that was real. I may never be the man that could save her from the world, but would I find a way to be the man that could help her pick up the broken pieces of herself?

  I let her enjoy the ride for several minutes before rolling her onto her back and taking control. I kneeled between her thighs and spent a few moments enjoying the sight of her before leaning in to kiss every inch of her body. Not only did she smell of coconuts, but I quickly learned every inch of her tasted like them. She captured my hair, trying to lead me back up her body, but I took my time on her stomach and chest as I passed over them. While I kissed her, she reached between us and guided me to her center. I slowly entered her, taking my time to be gentle, but still felt her innocence as it was torn away. She briefly gasped, but it was soon replaced with her soft moans. Our bodies moved in sync as if we’d done this dance our entire lives. The sounds she made in response to my movements told me exactly what to do and where to focus the most attention. She was quickly reaching her peak and she was taking me with her. It didn’t take long before we both trembled with our release and a feeling I’d never felt grew in my heart. I inhaled as the warmth spreads throughout my body. The feeling of hope overwhelmed me - hope for Lily, hope for our future.

  I woke late in the afternoon and reached for Lily. I didn’t feel the heat of her body; she was gone. I turned on the lamp next to the bed and saw a sheet of paper on her pillow:

  Dean,

  I’ve loved you for as long as I’ve known what love was. I thought we’d come a long way since you left Kolby, but obviously I was wrong. I refuse to stand by and watch you leave me again. I won’t chase after you while you slowly disappear into the horizon. We’ve been here before and I won’t be abandoned by you again. I deserve love, trust, and commitment, not someone that pulls away the minute life gets stormy.

  I thought we were ready to move forward, but you proved me wrong. Yesterday I could see the fear in your eyes when I touched you and your desire to get away from me was clear. I’ll be the stronger person and give you want you want.

  Take time to be with Violet and decide if sticking by me during the good and the bad is something you can do. I won’t accept less, I won’t accept your partial love. If you decide that you can always stand by my side then come back to me.

  I don’t expect you to be flawless. I just need you to be my safe place…my Haven in the storm.

  Lily

  I’d lived a good life. It was full of hard times, but in the end the good always outweighed the bad. I was born in Kolby and was blessed to spend all of my years there. The town definitely changed, but then so had the people.

  I grew up in a much simpler time when there was less darkness in the world. There were those that lingered in the shadows, but they tried to remain hidden. It was a peaceful time, unless you let yourself think about such things. No one, including us Havens, were completely shielded from the harshness that was spread. All of those I loved, unfortunately, learned that lesson the hardest way possible, including me.

  Even after everything I had done to protect myself, I still ended up in this hospital bed slowly withering away. Listening to Dean and Lily fight made me realize just how important my presence had been to both of them. I knew it was my time and I was more than happy to move on to the other side, but not if my absence destroyed the healing that they had accomplished recently. I will fight to stay on this earth until the second I know Lily and Dean are together, exactly where they’re meant to be. They’d both been touched by too much heartache in their lives. I’d seen my fair share of hardships, but I’d never wish those struggles on anyone I loved.

  I was given two chances at my life. The first was with my husband, Rich. My marriage was not always a pleasant relationship. He wasn’t a cruel man, nor was he a kind man. We had one son together, John. He was the perfect child - loving and always considerate of everyone’s feelings. I tried to give him a sibling, but the good Lord never blessed me with a second child. Once John was old enough to have friends, he quickly latched on to Michael Grace and the two of them were practically brothers. I imagined that could explain Dean and Easton’s closeness. I always felt drawn to Easton, like he was my own flesh and blood. I loved Lily, as well. She didn’t see me as her family, like Easton did, but I knew she loved me as best she knew how.

  John rebelled against his father’s heavy hand and spent most of his teen years troubled. He made decisions that hurt all of those around him. I never truly understood his reasoning, but I know it caused pain for everyone that loved him. His hurtful actions quickly drove away everyone but me, including Michael. His reckless ways finally got the best of him one drunken night when he drove his beat up truck straight into a tree. Rich left me behind shortly after John was gone. I think he couldn’t deal with the guilt that comes with burying a child and for him starting a new life was his escape.

  I loved John as much as any mother ever loved her son, maybe even more in spite of his troubles. But John’s greatest blessing to me came a few months after his death when his son was born. Dean was the best gift my son could have ever left me. Dean, and those he has brought into my life over the years, will always be some of my most cherished memories. They brought me a happiness I never thought I could find.

  My most prestigious achievements in life were those five children I helped grow into adults, even though only three remain on this earth. Though I am sad to leave Dean, Lily and Adley, I will be reunited with John and Easton soon.

  Adley had only been a part of my life for a short time, but I watched as she quickly blossomed under the small amount of love she’d been shown. Out of all of us in our makeshift family, she had been forced to bear the greatest pain. The pain that comes with complete abandonment by those that are meant to protect you. Until our family, she knew nothing of unselfish love, having only experienced things that came at a price for her to pay. I hoped that with time and continued love she would be able to release her past and focus only on her promising future.

  Dean was the first blessing that I received in this second chance at life and by the grace of God I’d been able to raise him for over twenty years. He turned out exactly how I hoped he would be. He had faults just like everyone, but he was perfect in his own way. He always attempted to protect those he loved and his spirit was broken when he felt he had failed. If anything, his greatest fault was punishing himself when his loved ones were hurt.

  Lily may not have been blood relation, but to me she was just as much a part of my family as I was. I had known her sweet soul since the day the Lord placed her on earth. She was not dealt the easiest hand in life, but had grown to be a strong, capable woman who would meet those challenges head on
and overcome them. Lily lived in a prison of guilt and remorse that she had carefully crafted for herself. Once Dean returned I had hoped he would be able to break down those walls and help her deal with the loss of her mother and Easton, as well as the guilt her father placed upon her. The one thing I hadn’t considered was how Dean’s own emotions would interfere.

  Dean and Lily always had a deep connection. Dean and Easton may have been closer when they were all children, but any watchful eye would have seen that Dean and Lily’s souls were perfectly matched. The tragedy of losing Easton merely solidified that bond, even if it pulled them apart for a short time. I hoped one day they would both learn to lean on that bond and trust in each other.

  My only regret in this life was that I wouldn’t be here to help while they struggled to find their footing and then to finally celebrate the resolution I know they will finally reach. But my time had been cut short and I could feel myself drawing closer to the end. My life had been far more fulfilling then I could have ever dreamed, but I was positive no one was ever prepared for the end to come.

  Although His eye is on the sparrow, I know He watches over me.

  I knew I’d regret my decision and I hadn’t even walked out the door yet.

  The pain I felt would only get worse as the distance between us increased. I loved this man above all else, but sometimes loving someone just wasn’t enough. I didn’t want to be trapped any longer. I already allowed one man to control me, I refused to be victim to another. I knew he loved me just as much as I loved him, but I didn’t think my love was strong enough to hold him.

  I sat on the edge of the bed watching him sleep, fearful it would be the last time I’d see his face. He actually looked peaceful for someone who was so distressed just hours ago. His hand moved next to my leg and I lightly ran my fingers across his rough palm. Even in his sleep he jerked his hand away from my touch. He was so scared someone would break down his protective walls and then abandon him, so he did the leaving first. He might not have physically left me yet, but I knew that emotionally his mind was made up. The minute we knew what would happen with Violet, he’d leave me again and never come back. I knew it was cruel to walk out on him after what we’d shared tonight, but I wasn’t going to sit idly by and watch him walk out on me, again.

  I ran my eyes over his face one last time, slowly taking in all of the features and knew they would haunt me forever. I placed a soft kiss on his forehead and felt him lean his head into my kiss, but then he rolled over and faced the wall furthest away from me. I pulled the blanket up over his bare body and walked to the door, slowly turned the doorknob being careful not to make a sound as the door swung open. My heart skipped a beat as I walked through the door. Peeking over my shoulder, I saw the outline of his back in the shadows before the door latched.

  The alarm on my phone blared, waking me bright and early. I think I had actually been in a tear induced coma for the last day and a half and not just simply sleeping, but I felt stronger - like I could finally face the world, or at least like I could give it my best shot. I was only dreading two things about today: feeling Dean’s empty chair beside me during science and having to attend the first day of the baseball tournament for journalism. One would be an assault on my heart and the other a huge annoyance.

  Mrs. Straub stopped me as I entered my first class of the day.

  “Lily, have you heard how Violet’s doing? We’re all so very worried about her.”

  “I’m sorry, Mrs. Straub. I haven’t talked to Adley since earlier Saturday, so I don’t know anything new,” I sadly admitted.

  “Well then I can only imagine there hasn’t been a change. I’m positive she would have called you if there was something to report.” I wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince me or herself.

  “I imagine you’re right.”

  “When you do talk to Adley or Dean, please let them know the church is praying heavily for Violet.” She patted me on my back and led me into the room.

  I hoped and prayed this wasn’t a sign of things to come today. I didn’t think I could mentally handle everyone I encountered asking me about Violet. I knew they were doing it out of true concern, but did they think I actually wanted to discuss it over and over, all day long? I hoped they would at least give me some peace. Would it be rude if I wrote on my forehead, I don’t know anything new, so don’t ask! I wondered if my forehead was big enough to hold that many letters.

  Science class was heart wrenching. I could physically feel the coldness emanating from Dean’s corner of the room. The four walls felt too small and I thought I would have a panic attack just waiting for the bell to ring. I kept my back turned to Dean’s chair and imagined him there, mirroring my position. Luckily, Mr. Roberts kept us busy with more work then we could have ever finished in one class period. I was actually happy about the prospect of homework tonight.

  I made it until lunch before another person even looked my way, much less asked me about Violet. Unfortunately, it was Ms. Bartlett that broke my lucky streak.

  “Hello, Lily.” I could tell my name did not roll from her tongue easily.

  “Hello, Ms. Bartlett,” I responded, but avoided her penetrating stare.

  “Have you spoken with Dean today? I heard the news about Violet this weekend and I’ve been trying to get in touch with him, but he doesn’t seem to be answering his phone.” I had to work hard to suppress the territorial growl that I could feel burning in my throat.

  “No, I haven’t.”

  “So he isn’t answering your calls, either?” She looked very pleased with this prospect.

  “No, he isn’t avoiding my calls because I haven’t tried to call him.”

  “Oh. Well, fine then. I’m just surprised you haven’t heard from him.”

  “Nope, I haven’t,” I snapped and watched her eyes grow larger in response.

  “Well, if you speak to him, could you please pass along the message that I’m trying to get in touch with him?” I didn’t answer. I just looked away and after several seconds she finally turned to leave, allowing me to return to my solitude.

  After lunch, my entire afternoon was spent at the baseball field taking pictures for my journalism class. I hated being surrounded by this many people, but was thankful to have my camera in my hands. The beautiful weather made it at least semi-enjoyable. I’d done my job for the afternoon and had taken pictures of our baseball game. I’d shot several great pictures of our players batting…and striking out. I got one of the Kolby High star player sliding in at home. Unfortunately, that was pretty much the only exciting part of the entire game and I was lucky to catch it on film. It wasn’t my best ever, but it would work for the yearbook.

  Even though I’d done my duties for the afternoon, I decided to get a blanket out of the car and find a spot on the edge of the outfield to try and relax. The spot I picked placed me far enough away from the stands that I didn’t have to worry about being bothered, and it seemed like a better option than sulking in my room. I had my blanket spread out close enough to the chain link fence that I wouldn’t have to worry about being hit by a rogue foul ball.

  I laid down on the blanket, put my ear buds in, and turned on my favorite playlist. The sun warming my skin was making me drowsy. I didn’t really want to fall asleep here, but then again I didn’t expect I’d draw much attention if I did. A couple of times I jerked awake, positive a baseball had landed near me. I’d lift my sunglasses and look around, but never saw anything.

  I finally gave in to the sleep and found myself still laying in the sun, but surrounded by sunflowers, gently blowing in the breeze. It was very peaceful to watch them dancing as the sun reflected off their bright yellow petals. A bee quickly flew toward me and I tried to swat it away, but it kept coming until I felt it hit my cheek. I reached up to grab my face and heard a voice, but couldn’t understand what was being said. I felt a hand tighten around my upper arm and lightly shake me. I opened my eyes, but the sun was high in the sky and I couldn’t see his face. His g
rasp grew tighter on my arm until I heard myself gasp loudly and I quickly scrambled away from him. I found myself clutching the chain link fence and staring into a face I didn’t know well, but somehow seemed familiar.

  “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?”

  Was I okay? I didn’t really know. I was too confused to know anything. Who was this guy?

  “I’m Ian,” he said, answering my unspoken question. “Those kids were using you as a spitball target so I thought I’d help you out. I didn’t realize you were asleep. I’m sorry I scared you.”

  The fog covering my mind finally started to lift and my fear was quickly replaced with embarrassment. “No, don’t be sorry. I’m fine, I shouldn’t have fallen asleep. Thank you.” He stood and I repositioned myself so I wasn’t plastered against the fence.

  “You’re Dean Haven’s friend, aren’t you? We met a while back, when you guys were out getting pizza.”

  The memory of that night was slowly coming back. That’s why he looked familiar. “Oh, yeah, I remember. I’m Lily.”

  He moved closer to the blanket and kneeled down on the edge. His close proximity made my stomach do flip flops and I smiled at the thought of having someone other than Dean rescue me. He didn’t look anything like Dean, but he was definitely cute. He had light brown hair that hung over the tops of his ears and the brightest emerald colored eyes I’d ever seen. His skin was barely darker than mine, but almost a perfect olive color. He was quite a bit shorter than Dean, but built much bigger.

  “Are you here alone? I haven’t seen Dean.”